A Childs Best Friend

Does your child ask you to set an extra place at the table? Do you hear them talking to themselves when they are playing? And do they often blame someone else when things go wrong?

 It could be that your child has an imaginary friend An imaginary friend can be an invisible friend that your child plays with and talks to for a sustained time. You might see your child doing a role-play or appear as if they are talking to someone who isn’t there.

It is often something that parents worry about, but research has shown that it can be a sign of a healthy, active and sociable mind. Karen Majors, an Educational Psychologist at Barking and Dagenham Psychology Service, thinks that it is about time that we started to celebrate our invisible chums:

“Imaginary friends are a positive feature in children’s lives and we should learn to encourage them. They’re a great way of spurring creativity and using the imagination to its fullest, which is something we can lose touch with as adults.”

Children can start showing signs of having an imaginary friend from the age of two and a half. Older research shows that this behaviour should stop by the time children are five. Marjorie Taylor, Professor and Head of Psychology in Oregon, conducted a study in 2004 that shows that 65 per cent of the children she studied have had an imaginary friend at one point in their lives.

Karen said: “It’s not just three and four-year-olds who have them. Some children up to and including the teenage years may still have an imaginary friend although it is less likely to be known by their friends and family. It could be that they sense their parents wouldn’t approve of them and they are wary of discussing it with their friends in case they get teased.”

It is thought that children invent friends for a number of reasons. From her early studies Karen has found that some children who have these friends are bright, lively and early readers and invention of a friend is a way of really exercising their imagination. She has also met children who use this relationship as an emotional crutch if they have language difficulties or an emotionally difficult time.

It is most common for lone children, first borns or those that have a big age gap between siblings to display this type of behaviour. Karen said: “There is also an element of wish fulfilment. If a child wants a brother or sister they might just invent one or if they want a pet they might invent a dog.”

James, one of the children Karen has studied had a range of imaginary friends from the age of three and a half to five including two teachers Mrs. Jones and Mr.Racey, both of which have now died! James’s best and most consistent mate is Gun and he plays games with him like rugby. Gun often takes a share of the blame, James’s mum said: “If he has done something bad then Gun has done it as well.”

There is quite an age gap between James and his two older siblings and his mum feels that the imaginary friends served the purpose of good friends for James at a time when he didn’t have anyone to play with. Like many children, James’ interest in his imaginary friends decreased when he started school and found new, real friends to play with.

Children with imaginary friends used to be thought of as unusual and something to worry about but more up-to-date research is showing that it is very common and not at all harmful to the child. Karen said: “What comes across is that it is a positive element of childhood. It can sometimes be intrusive to family life and if this is the case then some action should be taken.

“For example if a child is constantly telling their parents to move because they are sat on their friend I would advise parents to talk to their child about it.”

An imaginary friend can also be what is known as a personified object. For example your child may talk to their favourite toy or teddy and may continue to talk to them when they aren’t there. Most children will talk to their parents about their imaginary friends quite openly and deep down they are aware that they are only a figment of their imagination.

Practical tips

• Be positively encouraging but do not actually get into depth conversations about it

• Ensure your children have plenty of time with other children so that they learn how to play, share and interact

• If the imaginary friend begins to intrude in family life, try paying less attention to the child when the friend is around. Suggest that there wont always be room for the imaginary friend and ask your child if their friend would like to visit next week

• Don’t worry. Your child will grow out of this phase in his or her own time

Cartoon Network

Children can tune into Cartoon Network to watch Forster’s Home for Imaginary Friends which is aired everyday and features eight-year-old Mac and his best imaginary buddy, Bloo. Mac is asked to give up his fictitious friend by his embarrassed mother, so he takes him to a special house where invisible friends can go when they are no longer needed. The programme explores this subject in a fun and positive way and will help parents and children overcome their embarrassment and learn to embrace their imaginations.