Changing Faces
What do the ugly sisters in Cinderella, Scar in the Lion King and Voldermort in Harry Potter all have in common? …. They are all the villains in well-known children’s stories and they all have some kind of disfigurement.
Alison Rich at Changing Faces gives Flying Start strategies to teach your children so that they can treat people with disfigurements the respect that they deserve.
Changing Faces aims to change the way everyone responds to children with disfigurements.
Alison said:
“As a society we associate beauty with success we often connect people who have scars or unusual appearances with baddies or criminals. Children then relate to them as a bad person, which is absolutely ridiculous.”
Alison points out that disfigurement is not an exclusive thing that can only happen to a few people, it could happen to any of us at any time.
She said: “Parents should ask themselves ‘ How would I like my child to be treated in that situation?’”
Disfigurement is an issue that we don’t really have a language for and we almost feel great pity for which Alison said doesn’t help at all. Changing Faces gives the parents an opportunity to stand back and think about their own attitudes and becoming informed.
Throughout our culture from a very early age children are learning that someone with a scar or an oddly shaped face is someone to be frightened of, which is very hard for that child that has a birth mark, has been injured in an accident or has a syndrome that effects their appearance. There are no hard or fast rules of how parents should educate their children but Alison recommends the following:
If your child asks about someone with a disfigurement try not to…
• Turn away in embarrassment and ignore your child’s questions
• Stare
• Make rude comments
• Shout names
• Scold your child for asking
Instead, try:
• Get down to your child’s level and tell them that the little girl or boy was born that way
• If it is convenient encourage your child to go over and say hello
• Reassure your child and show them a good example of behaviour
• Start off by saying ‘Don’t be frightened.’
• When reading with your child, ask your child if the baddie in the story is evil because of their actions or because of the way they look. This allows the child to assess what makes a bad person.
Case study
Seven-year-old Harry Rowson was badly burnt in a house fire when he was 16 months old. Most of his body is scarred as a result and he lost an ear.
His mum Jane says: “Some children think that Harry is nasty or mean because of his appearance or they worry that they might catch something so I explain that they are just scars and Harry sometimes asks if they want to touch his scars so that they can see that there’s nothing to worry about.”
Harry and his mum have experienced prejudice when they have been out and about: “The worst time was when he was about two years old and we were on a family outing Harry was wearing a foreign legion style cap with the flap covering the back of his neck for protection.
A woman came up to him and just took the hat off his head! I couldn’t believe she did that - I said, ‘what are you doing?’ She said: ‘ I just wanted to have a look.’ I was so upset and mortified by what she’d done. That’s when I contacted Changing Faces.”
Harry is aware that he looks different from his friends his mum has told him that if he sees anyone looking at him that he should give them a big smile and say hello. Jane gives the same advice to parents that see any child with a disfigurement.
Changing Faces gave Jane the tools she needed to help Harry: “At first I wanted to hide away, I didn’t want anyone to ask me questions about his appearance but they helped me to see how important it was for me to be upfront and take the initiative.
“They also taught me how to be prepared for people making rude comments and responding to them in a definite and polite way so that I didn’t have to resort to being bad mannered in return.
“When Harry was moving to primary school they guided me on talking to the head teacher and I also wrote to the parents of every child in his class to explain what happened so that other children wouldn’t jump to conclusions.”
Harry is now a poster by for the Changing Faces campaign. The posters really help people to understand some of the difficulties that children who have disfigurements face and how they can respond to them in a more positive way.
For more information visit: www.changingfaces.org.uk
